Crème de la Crame: What’s My Age Again?

I’m 16 and having my midlife crisis. And like most people when they have their midlife crisis, I’ve come to realize certain things about my life.
I’m old. It’s depressing to see what I can no longer do in life. Since when am I too tall to go into the McDonald’s Play Pen? How on earth can there be a height limit for the ball pit? If Midget Man can go into one of them with a python then it’s only fair that I should be able to, too. I may be strong, but I’m not as dangerous as a python.
When I was young, my friends and I would wave at all the cars while on a long road trip to see how many different people we would be able to get to wave back. And most of them would smile and wave back.
The other day I tried to do this while driving with a friend. Instead of waves, we got confused looks from one old lady and “the bird” from an uptight businessman. After noting the rude gesture from this driver, my friend and I were left in a state of shock. What had we done to deserve that? Had we crossed the line from kids playing in the tunnels at the Jungle to the one of the old people clogging up the tunnels at the Jungle without even realizing it?
When did I suddenly become too old to get a ball tossed to me at a baseball game? After hearing about a friend’s experience and his disappointments at a Giants game when he realized his age, I thought, “Well that sucks for him! Thank God that will never happen to me.”
Not only did it happen to me, but on a much larger level. I was at a Yankees game and while I did get an autograph on the ball I had, the younger kid next to me got a bat. Yes, you heard me right, the kid next to me was given a major league baseball bat.
I still think of myself as a young kid that can say whatever he wants at a game because nobody would get in a fight with a middle schooler, but at the last A’s game I went to I realized that the same rules do not apply to a 16-year- old.
Life was easier back then. I miss the days when I would build a fort with blankets and pillows that would stretch across my living room, and the days when I would jump in puddles to hunt worms. Now all I want to do by the end of the day is sit on my couch and catch up with my TV shows, and if I do end up getting off the couch I usually emit a small yet noticeable grunt.
But I guess there is an upside to being older… at least I can sit in the exit row on an airplane now.