A girl is sitting in the quad at brunch, when all of a sudden she notices the man of her dreams walking across the grass seemingly to talk to her! He approaches. No chocolate. No flowers. No elaborately decorated sign that singles her out as the perfect girl. He just asks, in one measly word, “Homecoming?” How did he know! This is exactly what she had been dreaming of the last few weeks: a plain, simple asking to one of the most important dances of the year.

Sorry boys, but not many of those girls exist. In fact, in today’s day and age, most girls have all sorts of crazy expectations about being asked to Homecoming. Now for girls, it’s not only about who you’re going with, but how you were asked.
Note to boys: We understand that we girls are complicated creatures and that it’s hard to think of ways to ask us to Homecoming. So, in order to help out, I’ve devised a step-by-step process to help you guys figure out what the heck you’re going to do to ask that perfect girl.

1. Decide: Public vs. Private
The first step in deciding how to ask a girl is to ask yourself how far you’re willing to go. Public askings include anything in front of a crowd, from writing your prospective date’s name on a giant sign at a sports practice to crooning her name at a brunch activity or football game half time. These methods require the guts to face some potentially scary consequences. A good tip to avoid public humiliation: be pretty darn sure your girl is going to say yes.

Another way to avoid mass public rejection is to do something private. It is important for you to know your girl’s capacity for attention. Maybe she’s not into public scenes, or maybe all that attention isn’t for you, either. In that case, stick to the private option.

Private askings are usually more intimate. A scavenger hunt at her house or a decorated room when she arrives home are usually good ideas. (Make sure you ask her parents’ permission first, though!)

2. Do a little research
Find out what she likes. Asking a girl based on shared inside jokes or interests adds a personal touch that makes it hard for any girl to refuse your proposal. Whether that means asking her by writing on a tennis ball or spelling out “HOMECOMING?” with her favorite candy, the thought is sure to not only pluck some heart strings, but make her laugh as well.

3. Enlist the Help of Friends
Asking your prospective date’s friends to help can be extremely beneficial, as long as you are very careful about which friends you choose. By working with her friends, you can gain insight into things about her that you probably didn’t know. For example, if you were thinking of asking your date with a delicious treat of your mom’s famous peanut butter cookies, it might be helpful to learn beforehand that she is fatally allergic to peanuts.

Her friends can also do a little prodding about what she thinks of you if you are feeling unsure or nervous about asking this girl.

Friends can also be good at directing your date to where you need her to be. For example, if you need her to be somewhere at 6:24 p.m. in order to ask her in a place she normally wouldn’t be, you can get her friends to help swoop her away without making it too obvious that she is about to be asked.

4. Just do it
Don’t worry so much. Girls appreciate whatever you do to ask because we just want to be asked. Work up the guts to ask someone you’ve always wanted to, or think of a funny way to ask one of your best friends. No matter what, just don’t be scared, because a girl is never going to reject you based on the way you asked her. Girls may be complex, but when it comes to being asked, we’re just happy it happened.