Learning to Bundle Up

The Beach Boys sang in their hit “California Girl,” “the West Coast has the sunshine, and the girls are get so tanned.”

Unfortunately, they didn’t get the memo that California winters aren’t so sunny. Neither did a large portion of the girls at this school.

The weather lately has been cold, frigid and unbearable (let alone impossible to tan in). I arrive at school wearing a furry jacket over several layer and carrying an umbrella to shield myself from the rain, but I still freeze my toes off.

This is why I am so amazed by the girls who come to school wearing short-short short-shorts, low-cut tank tops and sandals—when it’s pouring rain. There’s not even a Northface in sight!

Although I have always done my best to ignore daily announcements, such a fuss was made at the beginning of the year about the dress code that I have now acquired an involuntary alarm system in my body. When I see someone breaking dress code, my body begins to spasm and a strange noise erupts from my moth. (This is what I have gathered from eyewitness accounts; I lose consciousness during the episodes.)

While my system is fully operational in winter, it seems that the administration’s is not.

The dress code has always been intended to keep people focused on what’s really important—school Scantily-clad girls are distracting. But what the faculty does not seem to realize is that scantily-clad girls in the cold of winter is also an issue.

It may be that these girls were born with high internal body temperatures worthy of scientific study, but the value of observing them in their natural habitat is outweighed by the need to cover them up.

In fact, my arm hairs get so distracted by these girls they stand straight up for a better look and then stubbornly refuse to go back down (a quality I believe they get from their mother).

It’s time that all girls on this campus learned the true meaning of winter: cute coats and nothing more revealing than pants. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a fan of beach attire, but only when I would actually spend the day at the beach.

The administration has lost the zeal it had in enforcing the dress code at the beginning of the year. Instead of just fondly remembering the “good times” of miniskirt suspensions, it should remember how fun it was to hand them out — and do so again.

The administration must help girls remember that winter is a time of cold and dressing appropriately is a must.

Perhaps in doing so, not only would my arm hairs be saved some exercise, but a few girls would be saved a case of pneumonia.