The student news site of Los Altos High School in Los Altos, California

The Talon

The student news site of Los Altos High School in Los Altos, California

The Talon

The student news site of Los Altos High School in Los Altos, California

The Talon

Surely, You Jest?: Student views Sharks game during bathroom break

Statements made in this column are not to be taken as fact. Satire is protected by California state law. None of the content in this column is malicious in nature.

After becoming bored during math teacher Huey Townsend’s second period Algebra II lecture on Monday morning, sophomore Harry Hickok excused himself for a bathroom break. But instead of strolling very slowly to the nearest bathroom or water fountain, as is his normal routine, Harry headed to San Jose’s HP Pavilion to watch the Sharks defeat the visiting Toronto Maple Leafs in a 4-3 overtime spectacle.

“Sometimes I just get really tired in class,” Harry said. “I start yawning, and drooling and stuff. That’s disrespectful, so I excuse myself. [Monday] I just figured I needed a little more excitement than normal.”

The game certainly provided enough stimuli, as three separate fights broke out, with one before the game was officially scheduled to start. While several injuries were reported in each, Harry was reportedly upset that he had missed out on the first few ounces of blood.

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“I was stuck in traffic, and the radio was on,” Harry said. “It really killed me not to be there, but one of the custodians had asked where I was going so I had to go out through the back of the school. I was late, and I missed it.”

Harry was initially worried about returning on time when the score was tied as lunch started, but he got in contact with sophomore Frances Perkins, who had been following the game with an iPhone under his desk. Together, they concocted a reasonable excuse for his return, which they agreed would be best timed to take place about halfway through fifth period.

“The best we could come up with was, ‘The toilet was clogged,’” Frances said. “We were pretty lucky when [French teacher Helen Porkala] didn’t ask.”

According to Townsend, nothing was special about Monday, but he did notice how genial his students seemed to be.

“I started the class off with a homework check,” Townsend said. “That took about 25 minutes, because as always, my students were very interested in how my weekend had been. It’s so sweet to know that they really care about me. … No, I didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary. Why do you ask?”

Harry has already made plans for future outings and is organizing a Laser Quest duel for the next time his chemistry class has a lab.

“It’s all just so easy and fun,” Harry said. “With a [learner’s] permit, friends and a hallway pass, the gates of life have finally opened up to me! It’s great!”

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