The student news site of Los Altos High School in Los Altos, California

The Talon

The student news site of Los Altos High School in Los Altos, California

The Talon

The student news site of Los Altos High School in Los Altos, California

The Talon

Surely, You Jest?: AP students devise exotic, personalized study methods

Statements made in this column are not to be taken as fact. Satire is protected by California state law. None of the content in this column is malicious in nature.

AP season is tough for all students—especially for those enrolled in AP classes. The Talon weighs in on how certain students are preparing for AP tests.

Commission a mural

For sophomore Lily Miller, her European History AP class had been stressful until she thought of a solution to her hours spent analyzing Renaissance paintings in her textbook. With the aid of a grant, Lily commissioned noted Italian painter Giorgio Massachalilo to decorate her room with a vivid mural depicting a Renaissance scene. The painting, which shows a philosopher in his study, has “great significance” according to Lily.

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“I can just look at my wall and feel his intelligence osmosising [sic] right onto me,” Lily said. “Now instead of studying, I can look at someone studying. Best parents’ money I’ve ever spent.”

Write a book

Why read a textbook when you can write your own? Junior Wendell Lahla became disinterested halfway through his United States History AP class’s reading of David Kennedy’s “Freedom from Fear” and started writing an alternative-history novel detailing “how the Great Depression would have been different if Germany had won World War II.”

“My book tries to get at the question that we all ask occasionally: Why does history matter?” Wendell said. “Frankly, I believe that the Wall Street Crash of October 1959 is really one of the most relevant things to today’s down economy.”

Wendell said he plans to use excerpts of his novel to answer the AP test’s free-response questions, but only if the CollegeBoard “promises not to spoil history’s plot, like they’ve been doing so far.”

Don’t study (rather, make a paper airplane)

Senior Chuck Grover’s plan for the Physics AP test is simple: After receiving the testing materials, he will demonstrate his knowledge of Newton’s laws of motion to the proctors by constructing a fully-functioning paper airplane, and making several test flights around the room.

“In my mind, the AP test is just like my acting audition—it’s all about confidence,” Chuck said. “I’m going to get out there and show them I deserve the score I have earned and worked for all year. My plane will fly high.”

Last word

When it comes down to it, just studying isn’t enough. The sacrifice of petty things like youthful innocence and enjoyment of life are just small prices students must pay to consider any sort of future.

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