The student news site of Los Altos High School in Los Altos, California

The Talon

The student news site of Los Altos High School in Los Altos, California

The Talon

The student news site of Los Altos High School in Los Altos, California

The Talon

Sex Uncovered: The Talon Explores Teenage Sexuality

Seniors Chuck and Blair were alone. He picked her up firmly by the waist of her floor-length evening gown and lifted her onto the desk, knocking away paper and pencils while pulling her hair back and kissing her neck. She tore off his blazer and belt. He grew eager and began to pant heavily, lowering his hand from her breast to the inside of her thighs …

… and then the scene switched to a commercial break for fried chicken. Teenage sexuality, much to the chagrin of students and the relief of parents, rarely plays out like television. More than just unbridled passion, for today’s teenagers lust, humor, friendship and deep compassion can all get tangled up in the sheets.

Or, like in junior Trevor’s case, embarrassment can sometimes pop out of nowhere. (Names throughout this article have been changed to protect anonymity.)

He and Emily, a summer romance, were underneath the covers, and after days of flirting the two of them were brimming with energy.
Emily nodded, signaling she was ready, and soon a stream of images rushed through Trevor’s head. Trains pushing magnificently through tunnels, a pen snapping cleanly into its cap, the perfect fit, a plug in a socket, electrifying, and then … it was over.

Story continues below advertisement

Well, at least for him it was.

“I redeemed myself at a later date,” Trevor assured.

From television’s prepubescent promiscuity to Trevor’s premature ejaculation, the reality of teen sex lies somewhere between the steamy media portrayal and the awkward first encounter.

As teenagers begin to explore themselves and each other, personal (and sometimes impersonal) relationships can get snagged on gender roles and stereotypes. But beyond the usual parental concerns is a whole other side of sex—a side full of intricacies as personal and variable as the individuals involved.

[Click here to launch the infographic in a new window]

Part I: Wham, Bam, Thank You Ma’am

High school students are having sex. A recent Talon poll found that 19 percent of high school students, from freshmen to seniors, have had sex. But at the same time, rates of teen pregnancy and STDs have declined over the past two decades, as teens are being safer and waiting until they’re older to have sex according to the Center for Disease Control.

As a single senior fresh out of a relationship, Elena had no problem hooking up with boys at parties. Earlier this year, she was at a college party when she saw him: Sean was tall, perfectly tan, with hazel-green eyes and a strong build.

They started talking after she cleverly asked for help with the keg, and Sean placed his hand on top of hers. His eyes were on her, not on any of the other girls in the room. Feeling in control, Elena instigated the hook up, and then he invited her to meet him upstairs in five minutes.

She accepted.

Upstairs, she pushed Sean down, jumping on top of him. Sean was small (down there), and with both of them naked and excited, Elena asked, “Do you have a condom?”

An hour later they lay there exhausted. Now, months after, Elena has not seen or heard from Sean. She’s disappointed, but doesn’t regret the decision, describing it as “the opportunity of a lifetime.”

“As long as [sex] doesn’t cause drama, it’s your own business,” Elena said. “You should be able to do what you want.”

And teenagers are doing what they want.

Whether choosing to have sex or wait until later, teens are being safer and more responsible. Paralleling this is a growing openness about sex, such as becoming friends-with-benefits. Senior Nicole lost her virginity in a no-strings-attached hook up, but rather than with someone from a party, it was to her good friend Joe. She and Joe had joked about hooking up for a while, and one night at his house, Nicole wasn’t joking.

“Friends last forever but boyfriends don’t,” she said. “I just felt more comfortable doing it with a friend.”

Even if casual sex isn’t for them, mosty teens view it as a personal decision. Many won’t pass judgment—a snide joke or opportune insult, perhaps, but not social ostracizing.

“People have different personalities and some people need to have that relationship,” senior Samantha said. “You need to find something that works for you.”

Part II: Relationships

Despite a slew of jokes, locker room boasting and whispered gossip, most sex occurs in a romantic relationship. Teen sex is as much about an emotionaal support and connection as it is about carnal pleasures and social status.

“Sex with a boyfriend is definitely way better because it’s so much more deep,” Elena said. “It’s kind of unfulfilling when it’s casual.”

However, casual doesn’t necessarily mean cold.

Junior Jeremy drove all the way from San Francisco to go to junior Kayla’s party, where everyone could see them drunkenly touching and cuddling. Later, Kayla pushed for sex, but Jeremy’s fumbling with the condom revealed his virginity.

“Oh my God, are you a virgin?”

Kayla, who was beginning to develop a crush, didn’t want his first time to be like this. So the night concluded with conversation rather than copulation, the two of them falling asleep to Owl City songs he found on her iPod.

The next weekend, Kayla and Jeremy once again ended up in bed. But this time, Jeremy lost his virginity. It was disappointing. Both of them were too drunk to perform, but their interest remained.

It was only after the next night when the two were lying in Kayla’s bed that she said, “So are you going to ask me out any time soon?”

That night, Jeremy and Kayla officially began their relationship.

Stories like Kayla’s, however, are far from the norm. Most of the time, sex comes after the relationship, as was the case for Nicole and her out-of-town boyfriend. From the first glance outside a theater, 17-year-old Nicole wanted to get to know 20-year-old Matt better.

Their first date ended at a Wal-Mart, one of the only places to go in Matt’s small town. They ran up and down the candy aisle, throwing things at each other and eventually purchasing two boxes of Peanut Butter Cap’n Crunch. When Nicole kissed him goodbye at the end of the day she felt respected, a welcome change from her past boyfriends.

Five weeks later, while Matt and Nicole were leaving a party, Matt’s friend yelled out, “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” That night, after watching a movie while cuddled up on Matt’s couch, they had sex for the first time.

They hadn’t discussed it first, but neither was a virgin and Nicole had been on birth control for several months. Nicole and Matt had gone slightly further every time she visited, so by that night sex was the last step to take. They both knew it would happen when they went to Matt’s bedroom for the night.

“You hear that you’ll know when you’re ready … but I didn’t think it was real,” Nicole said. “It actually was, in my case.”

Whether sex comes after a long and flourishing relationship or a one-night stand, it’s a physical expression of one’s emotions. It is a deeply personal act, and a decision that teens must make for themselves.

“It’s the absolute closest you can get to a person,” Nicole said. “It is a romantic thing.”

Part III: Peers, Parents & Porn

Senior Jim was planning for a good night.

His girlfriend sophomore Loraine had come over to his house (where his parents were conspicuously absent) for a nice dinner and flowers for their four month.

They retired to his bedroom and kissing led to nudity, which led to oral sex, which, after four months, finally led to sex. It was the first time for both of them.

Her parents wanted her home, so he dropped her off later that night. But as he pulled out of his drive way, he pulled out his phone.
“I was so ready to tell people about my sexual experience,” he said, snapping his fingers and laughing. “I told three other people, ‘Guess who just had sex?’ and they said, ‘You did!’”

Whether it’s exchanging tips and tricks or just sharing a story about a particularly good night, teens turn to friends for sexual education.
Sexuality, after all, can seem terrifying and mysterious; health class can teach students how to stay safe, but when it comes to answering questions like “Is she the right one?” teens find themselves with little counsel or advice.

More experienced than her peers, senior Samantha now helps her friends when they become interested in sex. So when one of her friends asked her about birth control, Samantha took her to Planned Parenthood and taught her how to put on a condom.

“I told her that she didn’t need to feel pressured,” Samantha said. “She should be happy with herself before she tries to please someone else.”

Having had protected sex with other partners for a while, Samantha has never shied away from discussing sex with anyone. She enjoys an extremely close and “unusual relationship” with her mom when it comes to sex. But, she continued, “If you don’t have the type of parent who is okay with it, then you should take [the] initiative and educate yourself about it.”

Samantha and her mom’s openness seem to be the exception to the rule. When students were first exposed to sex education in elementary school, parental involvment was required. But teens have long since stopped coming to parents to answer their awkward questions, particularly when Google can do so in less than a second, and without the threat of retaliation.

Most teenagers squirm at the idea of their parents having sex. Still, those feelings are reciprocated: Parents are often just as uncomfortable—if not more so.

And so, with both parents and teenagers avoiding the sexy elephant in the room, the job of education falls upon other teachers, sometimes less than savory sources. The media often delivers contradicting messages while the pornography industry has profound, and often negative, influences on teens’ perceptions of sex. Adults and schools are providing limited perspectives as to what goes where and how, while friends grant only clumsy advice by word of mouth. In the end, teens are left with many questions unanswered.

Part IV: Gender Roles

Problems arise when sexual confidence and misconceptions collide, and it is here where adults should focus their efforts. Sex can be used to empower and bring people together, but, as senior Jesse said, “you have to be prepared for the consequences.”

Senior Sally found herself unprepared for these consequences her junior year after sleeping with her boyfriend. Sex came to dominate their relationship, diverting focus from their feelings for each other. Her boyfriend stopped being romantic; he stopped complimenting her and taking her out on dates.

“We couldn’t tell if we liked each other or just each other’s bodies,” Sally said. “It got to the point where I had to bribe him for things with sex.”

Last Christmas break, they broke up.

Sally is far from alone in losing her relationship to sex; this sort of mishap, where lust replaces emotional affection, is not uncommon with experimenting teens.

Jim, the senior who texted his friends after his first time, has since broken up with Loraine. Troubles in the relationship translated to troubles in bed, with the first time awkward and perfunctory.

“We both just sat there,” Jim said. “Nobody said anything … it was almost like she was a prostitute. There was no acknowledgement of how it was, or any jokes, or anything like that. It was cold.”

Jim has since began a friends-with-benefits relationship with junior Adele, and says the sex is much more “relaxed,” with them joking about his performance and package.

The most important part of sex for teenagers isn’t lust or passion. Whether friends-with-benefits or a relationship, whether laughing, moaning, or saying nothing, it’s about understanding each other and each other’s needs, and letting the relationship dictate the sex rather than the sex dictate the relationship.

But all too often, we fail at these goals. For the most part, girls face more blatant pressures than guys when it comes to sex. Beyond the unrealistic images the media circulates of the Victoria’s Secret body type, girls also walk the confusing double standard tightrope between being a prude and being a slut.

Most of all, while guys are admired as players and thus seek more partners, girls can feel pressured into unwelcome situations.
Nicole felt the ramifications of this firsthand.

“I’ve had a lot of bad relationships in the past,” Nicole said. “Guys literally pull their pants down in front of me and say, ‘I have a boner!’”
Nicole’s last boyfriend dumped her after two months of dating because she wouldn’t sleep with him. Nicole felt “traumatized,” but is proud that she stood her ground.

A few months after the breakup, Nicole’s ex-boyfriend got another girl pregnant.

“I could have been the one that he got pregnant,” Nicole said. “He has a kid.”

Yet girls aren’t the only ones who struggle against great expectations. While girls walk the line between loose and hard to get, boys are consistently expected to conform to the rugged image of the perfect man.

Oral sex is perhaps the most telling example of gender roles for both sexes invading the bedroom.

For Jeremy and Kayla’s first time having oral sex, Jeremy distinctly remembers being more hesitant than her.

“At first I thought it was kind of gross,” he said. “I didn’t know if she wanted me to [go down on her] or not.”

Girls often share the same uncertainties about giving oral sex, rooted in either distaste, inexperience, or both, yet they are expected to go through with the deed anyways. Hesitant teens, whether boys or girls, will resort to the “norms” they know in order to determine who should give and who should receive. Oral sex is culturally considered a gesture of submission. As a result, guys feel uncomfortable delivering while girls can feel pressured to submit.

“Girls do it for guys because they’re insecure,” Elena said. “Guys don’t do it because they’re insecure.”

This same double standard is evident in the inconsistency of shaving between boys and girls. Nicole, who shaves before seeing her boyfriend, says that women are pressured to look their best for sex.

“For women … society and pornography will imply that if you don’t shave or trim you’re gross,” Nicole said. “I started shaving as soon as I started growing hair … I used to make fun of it at first when I shaved.”

Sex, misunderstood by both parents and teenagers, is often portrayed to be unhealthy, risky and harmful to one’s youth. But once past the gender roles, pressures and stereotypes, sex can be liberating.

“It’s powerful for a woman to be open about her sexuality,” Samantha said. “I know the world has double standards. But it’s important to be empowered about it, and to be aware of your body.”

There’s no denying that sex has its problems. But if two people can work through the misconceptions and societal expectations (which is a very big if), sex can strengthen a relationship emotionally.

***

Trevor is nervous.

Highly conscious of his own desire, he straddles the brink of the teenage goal—for the first time. His trembling hands gradually trace their way across Emily’s body, the same one she’s so uncomfortable in. He pulls her gently to her feet. Holding naked hands that blend to naked skin, they stand in front of the polished mirror. He kisses her, leans back for a moment to look her up and down, and whispers, “I see nothing but a beautiful girl.”


The Talon understands that sex is a sensitive and controversial topic that may not be seen as school appropriate. But we believe the absence of candid discussion can foster misconceptions and stereotypes which harm all parties involved. By having frank and open conversation, The Talon hopes to address an issue that is important and pertinent among students. We welcome your thoughts and comments.

Leave a Comment
More to Discover

Comments (0)

All The Talon Picks Reader Picks Sort: Newest

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

  • Anonymous | Mar 19, 2011 at 4:24 pm

    After reading the article on sex in the last edition of the Talon, I would like to commend all those high school students who have the wisdom, courage, and self-respect to say “not yet” to sex. An Internet search such as “benefits abstinence chastity teenagers” yields research citing the long & short-term benefits of such self-discipline. Within marriage, sex is a binding force & beautiful expression of love. Love’s counterfeit, lust, is inaccurately portrayed in the media without its negative emotional & physical consequences. Too often, sexual activity stems from selfishness or insecurity about popularity. If you feel uncomfortable about something, it is probably your conscience. Respect it & it will serve you well. Kudos to those who have the courage to change self-destructive behavior, to walk away from a bad situation or party, and to say “yes” to all the goodness your future holds.

    Anne Adams
    LAHS alumna

    Reply
  • Kenny Moran | Feb 17, 2011 at 11:52 pm

    What Libby said.

    KennyM

    Reply
  • Anonymous | Feb 17, 2011 at 11:25 pm

    Dear Editor,

    I would like to commend you on the way you handled the sex spread in the last issue. I thought the neutral tone you maintained throughout the article was extremely effective. I mean, come on, if we wanted to get lectured on the negative sides of sex we would go to health class. I would like to remind those opposed to the article that The Talon is a student-run, student-written paper reflecting the thoughts and opinions of the STUDENT body. Yes, it may make some parents and staff uncomfortable to face the realities of student life these days, but isn’t that the whole purpose of journalistic writing?I mean, it makes me uncomfortable to see pictures of wounded bomb victims in Baghdad, but I’m not about to protest every newspaper on the stand. I would also like to address the argument that the article made sex in high school appear to be the “norm.” It clearly demonstrated in the polls that the majority of us are not having sex. The article was merely addressing the ways in which sex plays a role in our lives, whether or not we decide to have it. Lastly, I would like to address the supposedly “inappropriate” language used in the article. As a student, I appreciated reading about sex with the terms I use to talk about the subject, not those awkward phrases that uncomfortable parents and teachers use. When addressing such a controversial and personal subject, it is important that The Talon present itself as a relatable and knowledgeable source.

    Libby Strichartz,
    Senior

    Reply