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For the first time in a few months, the senior class beat out every single other grade in ASB’s Clash of the Classes (COTC) Rally on Monday. Through undeniable skill, hours of practice and an odd obsession with strict adherence to the COTC Rulebook, the class of ‘26 came out on top. 

In both rallies A and B, the seniors dominated the games and dance battles, winning almost every event. The only upset was during Rally A, when every senior tripped during the balloon pop race, allowing the freshmen to take the win. However, testimonies at Wednesday night’s school board meeting have this loss under contention. 

Senior Harry Wong, who gave a compelling speech and moved the entire board to tears last night, said that he finds the loss utterly preposterous. 

“We da best,” Harry said. “Sorry Nepal, the freshmen lowkenuinely cheated.” 

When questioned about possible cheating from the seniors in Rally B’s box-stacking event, Harry just closed his eyes. 

“Hardcore cap,” he said.

The goal of the game was to stack up as many cardboard boxes as possible without touching the stack. While the freshmen managed to stack all six cardboard boxes, one was oriented horizontally as opposed to vertically. 

When the buzzer went off, the seniors — despite having just four boxes up — took the win. They then celebrated their disputed victory by laughing in the face of hundreds of 14 and 15-year-olds. 

“The freshmen were disqualified for an egregious disrespect to the rules of the game, horizontal boxes are absolutely grounds for disqualification,” ASB adviser Elena Sheridan said. When asked whether the freshmen had been informed of those rules, Sheridan thought for a moment and responded, “So egregious.” 

The third game, crab-walk soccer, also sparked controversy due to a suspicious source of external assistance. 

Senior Jane Anderson, an ASBer who helped out at COTC, said she was instructed to turn on a fan hidden behind the seniors’ goal whenever the ball bounced too close. 

“Helping the seniors win is already a clause in the ASB Constitution,” Jane said. “Article VI: ‘Utilize any and all available tools to guide the senior class to emerge victorious; implement or retract rules as necessary.’” 

Regardless of next years COTC, the seniors had mustered up all their remaining school spirit for this year’s rally that they don’t have the energy to finish the school year. They are so spent that they will have no choice but to skip class daily and recover at home for the rest of the semester. 

However, with no remaining rallies this school year, this clause means reparations for the junior class are just around the corner. 

Junior Victoria Santos, the class of ‘27’s incoming class president, promised to lead her team to first place in next year’s dance battle. Although they have never even placed second, only one senior class in the past twenty years has failed to reach first. 

“The odds are great,” she said. “We intend to beat them.”

When Principal Harry Whitmore, who was on the dance battle judging panel, was asked about the incoming seniors, he hesitated before answering.

“I’m sure they’re highly capable of improvement,” Whitmore said. “Anything is better than their renegade from this year.”

Nevertheless, Victoria said she is determined to take after her predecessors and win next year’s COTC. She’s already mobilized a group to comb through the COTC Rulebook.

“I’m going to memorize that rulebook cover-to-cover,” she said. “I don’t care what grade we’re up against, our legal team will destroy them.”