Satire: ClassLink Login Page Cost $400,000 to Design, Inquiry Finds

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LOS ALTOS HIGH SCHOOL, LOS ALTOS, CALIFORNIA: After an in depth Talon investigation, it has been discovered that the Mountain View–Los Altos School District Design Task Force spent $397,000 to design the stunning Classlink sign-in page, which as of Wednesday, February 1, is required for signing into students’ school email.

“I think we got our money’s worth,” Technology Department coordinator Dan Johnson said. “We would stop at nothing to get the best graphic design possible as a heartfelt thank you to all 4000 students who now have completely willingly decided to use the login page.”

The page has become iconic for users and art critics alike, praising its originality and refusal to conform to graphic design norms, and faithfulness to staying unique.

“The white square above the “Username” box is nothing out of the ordinary,” graphic design specialist Lisa Bartos said. “However, the choice to off-center the MVLA logo and the school mascots truly speaks volumes to a greater message.”

When the sign in page was first unveiled, many people begged for the district to reveal who designed the masterpiece.

“My first thought was, who made this?” sophomore Brandon Philips said. “I know the district’s really [good] at graphic design, but this was so [good] I’m sure they must have outsourced this total piece of [artwork].”

“Many people’s first guess was correct,” Lead Designer Chuck Mathews said. “This wasn’t actually made in-house. When I was going through my email, I noticed that a Nigerian Prince had reached out about a special business opportunity. After a few emails, I was able to get him to have his personal artist design the login page for us in exchange for some monetary compensation.”

The background took several weeks to make, according to Mathews.

“I knew that the Prince was going to send something special,” Mathews said. “Whenever I asked how the page was coming along, he would tell me that his artist was hard at work. After I had given ample time, the Prince finally sent me the final product.”

As part of the investigation, we were able to obtain transcripts to the final email.

Thank you for your patience and payment. Here is your background which has been made with extreme care by my artist. You may stop contacting me asking for the status of it every 12 hours.

– Nigerian Prince

In other news, as of the day of the multi-factor authentication being implemented, administration has now seen the login page — which has existed for over half a year — for the first time, and as a surprise gift to Matthews they have given him mandatory unlimited unpaid vacation.