At the end of fifth grade, I realized I wasn’t straight. My best friend — and, in hindsight, crush — at the time came out to me as bisexual. To my grand innocence towards sexuality, I had no clue what that meant. She then explained that girls can not only have a crush on guys, but also on other girls. 

That one simple explanation helped begin the exploration of finding my sexuality, a path I continue on today. 

I started out in sixth grade as bicurious — a safe choice that let me question my identity. I still thought of myself as straight, while toeing the line just enough to see if I was open to liking girls. 

However, that label changed when I got my first girlfriend. The mere intimacy of sitting in the back of the class, sharing a chair as we read a book together, was enough for me to begin to label myself as bisexual. 

But “bisexual” didn’t feel right. During the pandemic, I was more exposed to the queer community on social media, and I began to observe other sexualities. Sexuality wasn’t just straight, bi or gay; it was a variety of ways people expressed their ways of loving others. 

As I researched more into the community, I discovered pansexuality — a sexuality defined as loving another regardless of gender. For me, that fit the bill. I didn’t romantically like people for their gender, but rather their personality. So, for the next year, I identified as pansexual because — of course — I still liked men.

But that still didn’t feel right. Imagining myself 10 years in the future with a man, dread and disgust engulfed me. At the same time, I still stuck to the norm of what women were “supposed” to be: attracted to men.

Clearly, this was and is not the case. After months of forcing myself to like men, I begrudgingly decided to look into lesbianism by browsing music, literature and videos. Turns out, it was normal for homosexual people to reject a piece of their identity just to conform to the “norm.”

So I finally gave myself one last label — one that I continue to identify with, one that finally felt right: Lesbian. 

Although finding my sexuality took many years, I now feel comfortable and even proud of my identity. To anyone who is reading this and questioning their sexuality: research it! Explore the diverse queer community and identify as what feels right. Sexuality doesn’t need to be a label or an explanation. 

Love who you love, 

Sara <3