Satire: Don’t be gaslit by science, ghosts are real


Natalie Wei

A ghost looking in through a window. Ghosts are real, and don’t let scientists tell you otherwise.

I can see ghosts.
I’ve told this story before, and it’s never gone well, but hear me out. It’s caused me to lose all my friends and most of my family, but that doesn’t deter me. My purpose on this planet is to spread the truth, so let me paint you a picture.
It was the ripe hour of 4:00 a.m. and I was walking up the stairs after taking a shower while listening to my special collection of British lullabies.
Suddenly, I felt a chill shudder through my body, as if water was cascading down my back, as if my soul had been put into those rapid freezers that you see on Kids Baking Championship. It was then that I saw the child — small, about 5 years old or so, rocking back and forth on a swing outside my window, singing some sort of lullaby in an indistinguishable British accent. She looked perfectly content.
At 4 a.m. in a sleep-deprived delirium, everything goes, so it didn’t really bother me. However, when I woke up the next morning, it dawned upon me: logically, I had to have seen a ghost.
Some people say that my experience was because of my open windows, wet hair and lullabies. And, apparently it’s been allegedly proven “scientifically” that this was the case, but I still stand by my theory. I know my rights, I’m allowed freedom of thought.
I already knew I was correct, but just in case, I Googled “do ghosts exist” and came across many highly decorated research studies and billions of Reddit ghost stories — there’s no way that everyone was making up their experiences.
But, this made me angry. All the websites that told me that I had issues because I was seeing ghosts probably told the millions of other people who can see ghosts that they had problems too. These close-minded so-called “scientific” websites are creating a false narrative that those who see ghosts need help. I would argue that those who don’t see ghosts need help.
“Scientists” merely offer other explanations for why people seem to see ghosts, but I’ve yet to see evidence proving ghosts don’t exist. All the articles I’ve come across in my extensive, five-minute research just give other reasons as to why people see ghosts, citing exhaustion and sleep deprivation as main factors. Trust me, they’re lying to you. We know the truth. Don’t let “science” brainwash you into thinking otherwise.
Also, people have “proven” that ghosts don’t exist due to the fact that they’ve never seen a ghost, but I don’t buy it. Have you ever seen gravity? Do you have friendly interactions with friction or get coffee with air resistance? No, but yet we still believe those exist, so why are ghosts any different?
This is even more problematic because of the sheer magnitude of people who have had ghost experiences. If you search up “ghost” on Twitter, you get over 8 billion search results. Considering that 114 percent of the world’s population has experienced a ghost encounter and deemed it important enough to craft a tweet on it, you’d think scientists would start looking into it.
But, they haven’t. Instead, they’ve been ignoring the supernatural realm, allowing close minded ghost skeptics to gaslight 114 percent of the world’s population into thinking they’re crazy. This is not very “scientific,” if you ask me; leave the gaslighting to the business bros, please.
In 50 years, you’ll thank me. I’ll be the woman in the history books who bravely opposed thousands of professionals significantly more intelligent than her in order to change the foundations of “science.” I face backlash now, but it’s all worth it.
I’m standing up for those who feel suppressed by the limitations of science, those too scared to embrace ultimate spiritual acceptance. I’m opening up the pathway for all individuals — regardless of education — to have a say in what’s deemed as scientifically correct, setting up the future generation of pioneers in the field of science.