Crème de la Crame: Nonstop Tootsie Pop

As I was walking into the local Walgreen’s, I strolled by the candy aisle and a certain treat caught my eye—Tootsie Pops. In a matter of seconds I had those commercials playing through my head, and I decided to answer that age-old question:
How many licks does it take to get to the inside of a Tootsie Pop?
When I was little my guesses would have probably been anywhere from 20 to 1,500, but now that I am old and wise I have predicted that it will take me precisely 237 licks.
I was at Walgreen’s and they only had one size pack of Tootsie Pops, so now I’m stuck with the decision of which color to use for this experiment. There’s only one dark red, which is perfect because that’s the flavor I was looking for. I was meant to have this lollipop. Well, here goes nothing.
One lick down. I’ve realized how long this is going to take.
At 20 licks I’m starting to think “What have I gotten myself in to?” I mean I don’t even like these things. Whenever people bring them in for their birthdays I’m always like, “Really? Come on now, there are so many other candies that you could have bought for the same price.”
At lick 80 I cut my tongue. It’s taking a lot of my self-restraint to not put this thing in my mouth because every time I type I don’t know where to put the lollipop, so I’m forced to type one-handed.
I’m at 110 and my mouth is starting to cramp—I didn’t even know your mouth could cramp. I just want to be like Mr. Owl and bite this thing. But I believe it’s important to follow through with your goals in life. People need to focus more on satisfying their childhood dreams (even if it is looked upon as “lame” to do it as a teenager).
At 160 licks, I’m starting to wonder what defines reaching the middle of a Tootsie Pop. Is it first contact with the Tootsie? Or is it the first taste of the Tootsie? What is a Tootsie anyway? I’m going with the first contact.
At 230 licks I’m starting to take my time between licks, trying to get the most out of every possible one. I sincerely doubt I can do this in seven licks.
250—Why? I can’t take it anymore; I just want it to end.
309! After 309 tedious licks, I had my first taste of Tootsie Roll. For a second I felt like I had accomplished something great, that I answered the age-old question. But then I realized how long it took me, and I started to feel pretty lame. But then again, I set a goal and I reached it. How many of you can say you’ve licked your way to the center of a Tootsie Pop?