It’s no secret that I’m addicted to caffeine.
For those of you who know me, it is common knowledge that I’m always drinking something and 95 percent of the time it’s some sort of heavily caffeinated beverage.
I drink at least three cups of coffee a day. A cup of grainy instant with breakfast, a grande drip with room for cream during my free period and a nice cup of doppio espresso after school. And if I’m feeling adventurous, I’ll even attempt to French press my own brew at home. Though last time that didn’t work out too well since Wikipedia has terrible coffee filtering instructions.
My parents are at a loss. Every month $62 is spent solely on coffee, and that’s not even including all the other caffeinated beverages I purchase. In a year, that’s $744! Per year, $744 for a liquid! That’s more than my water bill!
With that much money, I’m seriously considering petitioning Starbucks to become their Number One Customer of the Year.
I think I definitely deserve it.
The other day it became apparent that I had a serious problem. There I was, just minding my own business, scouring Craigslist for last-minute Coachella tickets and decorating my shrine to Conor Oberst in the corner of my room, when the news station I was listening to National Public Radio when it announced that a new study had found that people who drink more than three cups of brewed coffee per day are more likely to experience auditory and visual hallucinations.
And as someone who has diligently indulged in a bare minimum of three cups of brewed coffee a day for the past two years, I’m not going to lie, I was more than a little freaked out.
In fact, my mind was reeling, filled with questions like is this for real? Did my over-caffeinated mind just imagine that radio announcement? Do I even exist or am I figment of my own imagination? Is this wall I’m banging my head on really here? And why am I so frigging confused?
And before you jump to any conclusions let me also clarify something.
I am NOT crazy.
Now that that’s out of the way, I’d also like to say that this is why I have officially decided to stop drinking coffee for the rest of my existence.
Well, okay…for the rest of this week at least.
So that’s my new goal, no more coffee for the rest of this week. Maybe I’ll even slowly be able to wean myself from my caffeine addiction this way. Maybe I’ll finally stop being all jittery and messed up all the time. Maybe I’ll even save my parents $744.
Maybe.
…Or maybe nobody will notice if I make a really quick Red Rock run.