I’m bisexual and gender non-conforming. Hi, parents, who are reading this right now. I’ll be honest and say I didn’t want you to find out about this — about me. Though I guess everything spiraled once my sister outed me to you, dad.

Coming out is important. It’s the power and right we hold to tell our own stories — ourselves — to the people we want to tell. Sure, it’s scary and nerve-wracking, but it’s one of the most important things we get to do. And I’m open about my sexuality and gender identity — I don’t hide it, since I don’t care who knows and what they might say. I’m confident in it.
But I wish I could’ve just told you, by myself, when it truly mattered.

I told my sister that it was fine. I laughed it off. But really, it wasn’t. I hate that a life-altering decision was taken from me. I hate that I’m never going to get to see your face when I tell you or hear the things — accepting, hopefully — you would say in return. I think of the ways I could’ve told you instead: maybe on one of our late-night drives, where I summon the courage from deep inside with only the passing streetlights shining above us, or on a two-seater table in a little bistro. I don’t know. I won’t ever know, because it was taken from me.

So, when it’s not your secret to tell, keep your mouth shut. If your own little sister, or brother, or something in between, confides in you, don’t break their trust. Cradle it, accept it, love it, but don’t take their coming out and make it into yours. It’s not. It’s mine.

“And you know what? You don’t get to say it’s not a big thing. This is a big fucking thing, okay? This was supposed to be—this is mine. I’m supposed to decide when and where and who knows and how I want to say it.” – “Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda” by Becky Albertalli

Curate, ut valeatis,
Iphis