Nine eggs, a liter of tears and a mission
August 30, 2020
When bored in quarantine, I sometimes try to answer life’s biggest questions. I’ll spend hours contemplating the meaning of life, the concept of time and what actually happens when we die (ask Elon Musk). But about a week ago, I decided to attempt to answer what is probably the most difficult question of the lot: What is the best way to cook an egg?
I’m joking, of course. Comparing the ways to prepare eggs will always be trivial compared to the serious issues the world is facing. Be that as it may, it’s a difficult time, and hopefully my witty insights on the best ways to dish up a protein-filled ovoid will bring a smile to your face. Who knows, it might even inspire your breakfast tomorrow. Now, on with the show.
As this was one of the only ones I had not tried, I really had an open mind tasting this one. Unfortunately, it just tastes awful. The whites are like an incredibly rubbery, overcooked boiled egg, and the yolk feels extremely claggy to the mouth. It’s a strange mixture of textures that wouldn’t be nice independently and are even worse put together. Plus, they took 20 minutes to make, which seems excessive for the food that’s known for making a quick and easy meal center.
This one put me off. As I was searching around for a more “unconventional” way to cook eggs, I saw the idea to whisk an egg and stick it in a waffle maker. While I do have to give it some points for creativity, this tasted like a weird concoction that a motel breakfast buffet would come up with to use up extra ingredients. The taste isn’t disgusting but it’s bland, and the texture just feels wrong for an egg. Try it if you must, but it’s a one-time thing.
7. Over easy
Although I don’t like to judge a book by its cover, comparing this with the sunny side up, it’s the ugliest of its fried siblings. It’s what I remember not liking about fried eggs: The yolk is way too runny, and it doesn’t have a crunchy enough fry on the bottom to compensate. It’s not terrible, per se, but there’s no situation in which this would be my first choice.
I’m sad that this one places so low, as I do enjoy and have soft-boiled eggs a lot. They taste nice, and they’re lovely on top of ramen or with toast sticks dipped inside. However, soft boiled eggs aren’t that special, and they’re almost always overshadowed by whatever is accompanying them on the plate. While they taste great and they’re used in some amazing dishes, this list goes off the eggs themselves, not what I can make with them.
5. Sunny side up
Not going to lie, but before this, I had a vendetta against fried eggs. I was so set on hating both of the ones I was going to try, and it really shocked me when this one didn’t end up last on my ranking. Truthfully, it’s not that bad. I’m not a huge fan of overly runny eggs (it gets so messy and I feel like I’m missing out on the best part), but the crispy fry does a decent job of making up for it. Of course, that means it’s one of the least healthy ones on this list, but for a cheat day? I say give it a try.
The best egg to take on the go, by far. In fact, I think it’s the only one that you would pick for a snack as you’re bustling around town. The hard boiled egg is a classic for some extra protein in your breakfast or a salad. That or it’s just great for a quick bite. While it can taste dry or slightly sulphuric if you get it wrong (tip: don’t cook it for over 10 minutes), it’s simple and a fantastic pick for a workday snack.
Imagine a scrambled egg filled with your favorite savory toppings, and pair it with the amazing crisp of a well cooked sunny side up. That’s an omelet. I’d say the omelet is probably the only egg on this list that can make a full meal by itself, and it’s clear why. Omelets are incredibly versatile (you can literally put anything in them). Personally, I go for onions, tomatoes and almond cheese strings, but you do you. It’s a great way to prepare eggs, and a go-to for my experiments in the kitchen.
Not everyone will agree with me on this one, I get it. Scrambled eggs can be an acquired taste, and some people just don’t vibe with the texture. But when you wake up in the morning and you want a great-tasting, easy breakfast, consider scrambled eggs. On top of toast or on the side of the protein of your choice, scrambled eggs are wonderfully moist and a classy breakfast staple for many. They’re probably the type of egg I eat the most, but nothing beats a …
The creme de la creme: Although challenging, it is undoubtedly the best way to cook an egg. Cut into the amazingly textured firm egg white to reveal a flawless yolk that is somehow jammy and runny at the same time. While I wouldn’t suggest this for a beginner in the kitchen — the poaching technique can be really tricky to master (look up the whirlpool method if you think you’re up to it) — it’s the perfect egg to order on top of avocado toast with brunch.