Michelle Madani

Just when you think you’ve seen it all, the school bathrooms have the capacity to send you out screaming. Although it is uncertain whether the sight or the smell of the bathroom is worse, the combination of the two makes for an extremely inhospitable environment. Of the five girls’ bathrooms on campus, there is definitely a range of quality. The following is a ranking in order of declining goodness.

1 & 2. Eagle Theatre and Gym

These two bathrooms are relatively decent, and that’s why they tie. Typically, they’re pretty clean (with the exception being on homecoming in the gym). Both of these two bathrooms usually have an adequate supply of toilet paper, seat covers and soap, and neither restroom has a stench putrid enough to make your eyes water. Unfortunately, neither of these bathrooms is ever open during normal school days.

3. Science-Math Wing

This is probably your next best choice. Seeing as it doesn’t incur as much traffic as other bathrooms, there tend to be more resources, and while by no means satisfactory, the scenes here are a little more becoming than some other locations. One excellent aspect about this bathroom is that it has the foamy soap, which is always a nice little alternative to the traditional soap of some other bathrooms (or complete lack of soap altogether).

4. Locker Room

Perhaps the next bathroom to opt for would be this one—but here is where the school bathrooms begin to earn their notoriety. Especially when P.E. classes do their swimming unit toward the end of the year, you should steer clear of this area unless you prefer pre-drenched toilet paper and a chlorine/urine scent. On hot afternoons, the bathroom tends to be characterized by a level of stuffiness that only adds to the unfriendly atmosphere.

5. Quad

This restroom is the mother of all repugnant facilities here at the school. It is highly recommended that students avoid it at all costs.

For those who have frequented the area, the graphic nature of some of the stalls is common knowledge. Just walk in on an ugly day and you will be bombarded with a variety of excrements and other pleasantries. If you’re lucky enough, maybe you’ll get a urine puddle or even better, there might be a large, gooey, menacing brown friend of yours in the toilet bowl.

Final Verdict:

While it is unlikely that anyone likes spending time in the school bathrooms, there’s no way girls can really get around the fact that there may be times this year when they’ll have no other option. Ladies, if you want one last recommendation, simply go off campus if you need to relieve yourself—restaurants and your house will probably have way better bathroom alternatives.

Michael Cramer

Everybody has had to go to the bathroom during class, but the state of the school’s bathrooms make students hesitant to answer nature’s call. No person wants to tread urine-soaked floors or reach for an empty toilet paper roll. Still, if you have to go, there are some bathrooms that are better than others.

1 & 2. Eagle Theatre and Gym

With vibrantly colored walls, mirrors and bright lighting, there is no doubt that the bathroom closest to the Eagle Theater and the bathroom in the gym are the best campus bathrooms. However, to the dismay of many students, these bathrooms are usually locked and only open during Broken Box plays, school dances or occasions when parents are on campus.

3. Quad

This bathroom is far from being perfect but is third on this list because, overall, you are at less of a risk of being surprised when you enter. This bathroom is well-stocked with bathroom necessities, and since it is slightly larger than the science wing bathroom, it allows for a less claustrophobic feeling.

Unfortunately, the odds of finding a flushed urinal is about three in five. The awkwardness of picking a urinal is maximized by not having stall dividers. Users must then stare at the dirt in between the tiles so the other people using the bathroom do not get uncomfortable.

4. Science-Math Wing

Try to avoid these bathrooms when possible, but the sheer terror of the locker room bathroom puts the science wing in slot four.

If you were to walk into the boys’ bathroom in the science wing, you would be hit with an indescribable aroma of fermenting urine, sweat and dirt. The only ventilation that the room gets is when a door is opened, which allows smells to brew and overtake the bathroom. The overall condition of the bathroom is the same as that of the quad bathroom, but the smell in the science wing bathroom is unbearable.

5. Locker Room

These bathrooms are the most vile bathrooms on campus. Sweaty clothes are left out constantly, adding to the foul stench of the un-flushed toilets. When the swimming unit in P.E. classes arrives at the end of the year, the humidity and chlorine mixed with the sweat and other bodily aromas combine to make a deadly recipe.

The toilets are usually full (the contents of which will not be described). It’s almost as if you’re on CSI, and you’re the person who has found the body. You scream in horror and run away as fast as possible, but the unfair fact is that if somebody sees you fleeing the scene, you are guilty by association.

Final Verdict

Overall, the bathrooms at the school should be avoided. These conditions are only tolerable under absolute emergencies. Hold it if you can, or try to find a bush instead.