While 2.4 million people have died worldwide due to the COVID-19 pandemic, Los Altos High School senior John Jones and his group of 10 friends are “escaping the virus” at a resort in Lake Tahoe during the February break. The Talon interviewed John and a few of his friends about their life-changing trip.

“We’d been in quarantine for like, two weeks,” John said. “We got back from Hawaii and the vibe in Los Altos is so dead, we just had to get out.”

“Me and my boys? We deserve this,” he added. 

John is taking necessary precautions, acquiring daily COVID-19 tests for him and his friends.

“I mean, yeah, they could go to essential workers,” John said. “But we gotta take tests too just to show people that we’re safe. Either way, we won’t get COVID.”

Even though John and his homies have been traveling, they assured us they were being responsible as they still attended their Zoom classes despite the tantalizing fragrance of slightly muddy snow.

“Doing school from the mountains in Tahoe is really enriching,” John’s friend senior Matt Smith said. “It’s cool because when your trig teacher gives you a problem about the distance between a ski lift and the bottom of a mountain, you can actually visualize it.”

Matt declined to comment on the nature of his performance in his math class after traveling with the boys. 

John told The Talon that deteriorating mental health because of the pandemic was the driving factor for him and his friends to start traveling. According to John, when he found himself alone on Valentine’s Day, “sobbing and throwing chocolates” while watching “To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before,” he knew something was wrong. 

“Every adult in my life has been worried about my mental health, and have offered tons of resources,” John said. “But what could they give me that a few hours shreddin’ the pow at Squaw couldn’t?”

John’s other friend senior Drew Johnson showed hints of skepticism about the verity of the pandemic, questioning if it even existed. 

“We just decided to get out for a quick trip to Tahoe,” Drew said. “People keep telling us that thousands are dying because of the virus, but honestly I don’t believe them. There’s no data showing this correlation and I think it’s just the media spreading lies again. Keeping our squad alive matters more than these random statistics that probably aren’t true.”

Matt, however, acknowledged that the virus was in fact real, but still didn’t have any qualms on how he and his boys could overcome it. 

“You know, we all have antibodies,” Matt said. “I got the flu when I was in second grade, so I think we’ll all be fine. I’m just so sick and tired of people telling me how many people are dying when 10 times more babies die due to abortion in a week.”

When The Talon brought up that this wasn’t a factual claim, Matt and the boys “dabbed on the haters” and weren’t available for further comment because they had plans in the hot tub. 

Despite the limp vibe, John and his homies had to eventually return to Los Altos for their cross country meet. 

“Dude when we showed up to practice we realized we forgot our masks,” John said. 

“Yo dude, it’s fine, it’s fine, our team is in a safe cohort anyways,” Matt added. “We’re all only seeing each other. It’s like we’re in a bubble, and no one’s dumb enough to pop it.”

The next day, Matt and John raced unmasked against Mountain View High School athletes at the meet.

“The meet was so fun and before the race, one of our opponents told us that they happened to be in Tahoe too,” John said. “Such a coincidence, right? We could’ve skied with them!”

After coming in 151st and 152nd place respectively, Matt and John shared that although they were reaching their potential of athletic excellence, they craved more. 

“Bro, it’s great that we’re champs in cross country and all, but like, why hasn’t school opened,” Matt said. “It’s been a year and I just wanna be prom king already. Just open school already, the positivity rate is only 10 percent.”

Editor’s note: The interviewees and names used in this article are made up. This article is meant to be a satirical take on students’ traveling during the COVID-19 pandemic.