There’s this massive clump of coiled, bigoted darkness.

I feel it. I hear it. I see it.

I also taste it. Can you?

Homophobia. It is real.

When I first came out to my mom, she told me I was mistaken. I was confused and a little hurt. The second time, I was told: “No, you’re not. That’s not a thing.”

I didn’t expect her to buy me four different sets of rainbow clothing like my friend’s mom did. I didn’t expect much.

I simply expected respect. Instead, I got a bucket of ice water straight to the heart.

Over time, it became dangerous to be myself around my parents, so I chose to cover up around them.

Homophobia is real.

It breathes in hushed whispers and the judgemental, repulsed facial expressions. We’re mocked. We’re bullied. We’re harassed. Just for loving differently from most.

This is the reality of our world. Yes, we’re pushing to gain acceptance every day and to have a place in our school. But there are many more of us beneath the surface.

And many of us are hurting, some of us waiting to be accepted. But we don’t need to wait. We don’t need acceptance from others, although everyone craves it. We can start the journey of acceptance within ourselves and spread it in our community.

There is always going to be homophobia. It’s in the air, in the hallway. That doesn’t mean “stop fighting because we will never win.” It means keep fighting, but don’t let it bother you. It is not your responsibility to educate. You don’t need to be the activist. You don’t need to join a club and be publicly known if you don’t want to or don’t feel ready to. You can just be you. That is more than enough.

Our sexuality is a big part of who we are. On the surface, it defines who we are romantically and sexually attracted to. But on the inside, sexual identity is something unique to each individual and shapes our worldview differently than anything else because it is so intimate and personal.

So explore it. I hope you come to embrace it. Find peace in the person you are most comfortable being. Spread your support in your own ways. Find your people. It may take time. But also carry this awareness with you: people can be homophobic — even those closest to us. So, be conscious.

Choose your path with both awareness and a sense of self-discovery. All of us are different in our own ways but united in a path towards acceptance.

As for me, I am myself, just not completely when with my parents.

You do you. Together, we fight.

Know that I am
— we are —
With you every step of the way,
Faye

Author’s note: 

This is a continuation of Iphis’ column last year, but in my own way. I found solace in their column. They are my inspiration. I want to provide a similar sense of comfort and community to my readers. I have things left unsaid and messages I want to send, mainly to those who are or were in my place. If one person out there is reading my articles, and it gives them some sort of solace, that is one enough for me. Hey, maybe I’ll help out a soul or two!