After homecoming, I realized that girls are very expensive. And I seem to make a fool out of myself whenever I am around them.

While I did have a blast at homecoming, I realized that it quickly became lonely in my wallet. People forgot to inform me that nice clothing (even for rent) costs more than clothes that I would usually buy, that corsages are about double the price of a boutonnière and that even though I was going with a friend, I had to pay for both tickets.

I don’t think I would have been as reluctant to pay for my date’s ticket if I hadn’t paid for Sadies also. But nobody told me I wasn’t supposed to pay.

When it comes to embarrassing myself in front of girls, I do my fair share.

“You did what?” is usually the reaction I get when I update a friend on my romantic situations.

The best way to describe my stories would be comparing them to an episode of “The Office.” You can’t bear to watch Michael Scott talk to his office romance Holly, yet you can’t stop watching the unfolding train wreck.

As a result, I have laid down some basic rules that I try to follow around girls. My most important rule is to try not to eat in front of a girl that I like for the first couple of months.

Why, you ask? One time I got spaghetti sauce on my neck, only to put my arm into the sauce while attempting to gracefully clean myself up. The only reason I’ve allowed myself to eat in front of girls after a couple months is because I figure they like me enough to allow me to make a fool of myself. Plus, a lot of people find it entertaining.

And yes, sending text messages to the contact above my girlfriend’s number was pretty embarrassing. But at the top of my list would probably be making a joke about one of my ex-girlfriend’s mom’s boyfriend’s glasses (let’s call the boyfriend Rob).

While eating dinner at a restaurant (I hadn’t created my food rule yet), Rob asked me what I thought about his glasses. Since I thought he had put on a pair of women’s glasses as a joke, I decided to go along with it and told him that his glasses were “very manly.” Needless to say, I felt a sharp pain in my leg from my ex’s foot making contact with my shin. It was a very awkward night out for dinner.

I’m not sure if I want to give up on a relationship with a girl. But the thought of converting and joining some kind of priesthood to make my choice easier has popped into my mind.