Valentine’s Day is almost here, and the 7th period Leadership class is here to help students with some relationship advice! The following advice column is part of an ongoing collaboration with The Talon and AVID, Skills and Leadership classes.
Dear Leadership, My boyfriend wants to have a sexual relationship but I’m not ready. How do I talk to him about that?
Dear Anxious Annie,
Thank you for asking me such a good question. Keep your values in mind and know that you should never ever feel pressured to have sex if you don’t want to. Give a straightforward “no” and discuss your concerns with your partner so he understands your decisions. Then make sure to establish expectations for any kind of physical affection from that point on.
If you eventually decide to have a sexual relationship, keep in mind all the consequences that come with it and make sure to have regular conversations with him about it to establish appropriate expectations. Always have safe and consensual sex.
Dear Leadership, How do I ask somebody out?
I feel you. It is best if you pull him/her aside in order to get an honest response. And when doing so, be calm and understanding of whatever their decision is.
Dear Leadership, I’m starting to lose feelings for my significant other, and I want to break up with them. But I’ve been with them for a long time, and I don’t want to make it awkward. Help!
You should tell your soon-to-be ex that you want to meet somewhere where it’ll just be the two of you and there are no distractions. Tell the person that you know you’ve had a lot of moments together, and you’ve loved the way he/she’s respected you and loved you, but you think you should stick to just being friends. Add that the person has made you really happy and made you the person you are today (if that’s true), but you’re just not ready to continue the relationship.
If the person gets mad, tell him/her to calm down and make sure they’re calm before they leave. Don’t involve other people at all, be too flirtatious or be too apologetic.
If they beg, be understanding, but hold your ground. Make sure to say that you’re sorry, but you’ve already thought long and hard about it and you’re just not ready. Maybe when you’re ready, you can get back together and start a new relationship, but for now, tell them that you want to be friends. It’s best for both of you to move on at this point.
Dear Leadership, I just broke up with my boyfriend/girlfriend but I still want to be friends with them. How do I do that?
Sit down with them and be honest. Admit that you know you were close but now you just want to be friends. As friends, you shouldn’t bring up moments from your past relationship; keep those memories to yourself.
If your boyfriend/girlfriend has a new date, you should talk to them and say that you still want to be friends with both of them. If the new girlfriend/boyfriend shows signs of jealousy, give them some space, and maybe try again later. Jealousy in any type of relationship isn’t healthy for those involved.
Dear Leadership, My ex-boyfriend/girlfriend has a new date who’s mean. Should I get involved?
Dear Worried Wendy,
Let it go. Don’t get into that business. It will get messy, and your ex probably doesn’t want you to get involved. If you’re really worried, try to sit down with each of them separately and tell them your concerns. But I would move on to other things.
Dear Leadership, My boyfriend and I have a great relationship but there’s this girl that keeps flirting with him. That makes me really uncomfortable, but I don’t want to cause drama with her. What do I do?
Dear Concerned Kelly,
Discuss the situation with your boyfriend and ask if he can talk to the girl to tell her to stop. If the flirting keeps happening after that, casually address the girl and respectfully let her know that it’s not appropriate to continue that behavior. As long as she continues the flirting, keep communicating with your boyfriend and the girl about your concerns until it stops. Make sure to always be respectful and as polite as possible!