My first bite is cheesy, and my teeth sink into the soft, fresh bread warming my mouth and heart, because, let’s be real, who doesn’t love pizza. My second bite is even better—the sour firmness of olives, the sharp bite of onions and suddenly, a warm, tangy sweetness spreads over my tongue. Pineapple.
With science, Canadians and an anti-gourmet chef attitude to back my argument, I’d like to embark on a journey to convince—no, prove—that pineapples belong on pizza.
For those who believe that pineapples don’t belong on a pizza because they’re fruits have been failed by their education system. Everyone knows that tomatoes are fruits, yet they form the foundation of a good pizza, and we slather it on our bread base with gusto. Why should we discriminate against pineapples? Pineapple should be allowed to take its rightful place on the tomato sauce without controversy.
When asked for his opinion on the matter, “You don’t put f**king pineapple on pizza,” said chef Gordon Ramsay. But who is he to decide this? He is a gourmet chef, and doesn’t understand the palette of the common man. Ramsay actually tried pineapple on pizza as a publicity stunt for charity, but ate the dish with, wait for it, a fork and knife. It’s a basic tenant of humanity that those who eat pizza with a fork and knife are not to be trusted.
Pineapples were put on pizza by Canadians, and we love Canadians. They’re unproblematic, have given us Drake and Justin Bieber and give their citizens free healthcare. Based on this, we should follow Canada’s lead and embrace pineapples on pizza. The Huffington Post Canada ran an article with the bold title “If You Hate Pineapple on Pizza, You Hate Canada (Sorry, Not Sorry)” which essentially sums up Canada’s close relationship with the fruit as a topping.
Along with a Canadian endorsement, pineapples contain Vitamin C, a powerful antioxidant. Next time you’re tempted by the idea of a juice cleanse, consider the tastier option: pizza with pineapple. Additionally, pineapples contain a compound called bromelain. Found in the stem, fruit and juice of a pineapple plant, bromelain can help with osteoarthritis, asthma, chronic sinusitis, burns and more. Not only do they add rich depth in flavor, pineapples on pizza make eating a balanced diet that much easier.
Perhaps the most important reason we should keep pineapples on pizza is in solidarity with JoJoe Cruz, who wrote an entire book titled, “Reasons why Pineapple Should Go On Pizza: Proving Why Pineapple is a Pizza Topping.” The content is pretty self explanatory. If I can’t convince you, for $10 plus tax, you can learn from a published author on exactly why pineapples belong on pizza.