While many considered the Back-to-School Dance a success, those, who did not have the best time are struggling to decide if they are willing to try it again at Homecoming. Maybe you asked somebody for their digits and they “forgot their cell phone number.” It happens to the best of us.
But don’t fear, fellow Eagles, Homecoming will be one of the greatest nights of your school year if you listen to my advice.
First step: Look good. Although some people are born with a sixth sense that allows them to pick the right outfit, most are unable to match.
If you are a guy, take your best girl friend out on a shopping trip. It’s possible that your first choices will not be pretty. Make sure she is nice enough to tell you that a brown shirt with your new blue basketball shorts may not be the smartest choice.
If you are a girl, do not take your guy friend on a shopping trip; chances are he is one of the guys that I just described.
Second step: Smell like a god. Deodorant is a must, but don’t overdo it. Axe claims that it turns off women’s inhibitions, but in reality it creates an invisible five-foot barrier in all directions. While your nose become numb to the smell after five minutes, this does not mean other people cannot smell you.
Third step: Memorize basic songs like “Everybody (Backstreets Back).” The reasons behind this are simple: A) Everybody loves a classic and B) The fact that you suffered through listening to a Backstreet Boys album will show a girl that you really care about her. (The fact that you love reminiscing about when you would scream the album at the top of your lungs is irrelevant.)
For the ultimate party animal, part four: Prove yourself on the dance floor. This takes effort.
While I may not have the mad moves of the Jabbawockeez, I’ve decided not to let my two left feet stop me from getting “jiggy with it” and attempting to conquer popular dances from “Knocked Up,” “Hitch” and “Superbad.” Carlton became my hero, and unlike Seth Rogan, “the dice thing” was not “all that I got.” Make sure you know what you’re doing, even though you don’t.
Just because you aren’t like Will Smith on “Fresh Prince” doesn’t mean you’re never going to reach your goal. By lowering your standards, you are destined to succeed. Unless you don’t. Then just lower them again until you do. Honestly, it’s a lot more fun acting like a dork than trying to be somebody that you’re not.